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The Mother of the Groom
Mom. She’s been your number one gal for a long time. And now she’s about to hand you off to someone else, another woman, her soon-to-be daughter-in-law, who will officially become your new number one gal. It’s a big day for both of you, which is why you’ll want to do everything in your power to make her a part of it.
Fortunately, you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Tradition has carved a clear (if rather small) niche for the responsibilities of the mother of the groom. How rigidly you stick to these traditions is completely up to you (and her).
Once upon a time, the mother of the bride did all of the maternal work of a wedding. All the mother of the groom had to do was show up and look nice and not fuss. But that was long ago and far away. Grooms are now a major part of the wedding planning, and their mothers are now a major part of the wedding. The first responsibility of the mother of the groom upon learning of the impending event, therefore, is to contact the parents of the bride and offer to help her in any way she can.
Traditionally, the mother and father of the groom will at least plan and host the rehearsal dinner. The groom’s mother also writes up the guest list for the groom’s side of the family, taking care to adhere to the restrictions on how many guests she may invite as given to her by her son and future daughter-in-law. It is also she who contacts any guests who haven’t sent their RSVP in by the requested time. She is expected to attend the bridal shower and, of course, bring a present for the bride.
The mother of the groom must also consult with the mother of the bride about what they’ll be wearing on the big day, as the color and style of their dresses are expected to compliment one another. If they cannot come to an agreement on their outfits, it is ultimately the prerogative of the mother of the bride to select the dress she wants to wear. The mother of the groom will then simply have to find something that goes with it. Her dress must be similar in length to the mother of the bride’s and, while the color of the mother of the groom’s dress must compliment that of the mother of the bride, it can’t match it, nor can it match the color of the bridesmaid’s dresses.
If there’s going to be a mother/son dance, the groom’s mother helps select the song and, of course, dances with her son when the time comes. She also supports the father of the groom when he delivers his toast to the happy couple. If there’s to be a lighting of a wedding candle, both the parents of the bride and the parents of the groom perform this ceremony together.
In Christian ceremonies, the mother of the groom sits in the first pew. In Jewish ceremonies, the mother of the groom escorts her son down the aisle and stands with him at the chuppah.
Beyond the traditional roles imposed upon her, the mother of the groom might also be asked to help research vendors, sites, and other resources She can help with any creative projects too, such as putting together gift bags for the guests or arranging the seating assignments. And the mother of the groom can also help make it known to the guests and other interested parties where the couple is registered. Really, you can ask the mother of the groom to do anything she’s willing to do, as long as she shows up, looks nice, and doesn’t make a fuss.
