When making the guest list for our wedding, it didn’t take long for my fiancé and I – normally strong-willed people - to turn soft when it came to crossing off names.  Some friends were going to feel slighted about not receiving an invite and we were sensitive to that.  Who wants to start off their marriage on the wrong foot with their friends? 

But as those of you who are planning your weddings know, budgetary concerns and fire codes demand that you cut it off at some point.  So you do what you have to do:  You toughen up.  Your true friends will understand.  Besides – and this is the dirty little secret of list making - you won’t have to face those slighted people on the wedding day anyway. 

Toughening up about choosing your wedding party, however, is a bit more complicated.  Wedding parties create a Best Buddy Bubble, and on the big day, your friends will be either inside or outside.   Even if brothers and other relatives make up the bulk of your groomsmen, you’ll need to round it out with a small amount of friends, and, unlike with the guest list, you will have to face those Outside the Bubble Buddies at the ceremony.

Some of us don’t have that one life-long friend or impenetrable circle of two or three best friends.  And even if you do have a tight social circle, weddings have a way of reuniting you with everyone who you’ve ever hung out with and before you know it you’ve got eighteen-man lineup suitable for a royal family wedding on your hands.  How do you justify who stays and who goes?

 When it comes to choosing between worthy candidates, there is no easy way to go, but there are guidelines, so you can determine your choice by practicality rather than making it about the hierarchy of The Bubble:

            Quality Time

You might have to do some heavy duty pondering, but take some time to identify those friends who you never see alone.  They are conditional friends.  You see them only when you’re hanging out with another particular friend.  Or at work.  Or at a couples-only dinner party.  If your on-the-fence buddy is someone who you haven’t logged significant hours with - just you and him - consider taking him out of the running.

            Stay Close to Home

If one candidate lives out of town, think about going with a local one instead.  Traveling is expensive and a hassle, and a groomsman from another time zone might not even be able to come to the wedding.  Chances are that he won’t even know whether or not he can come until it’s time to start making traveling arrangements, long after he’s already said, “Yes.”